How to Know You’re Getting Older

CC

There are a million and one lists like this, but I recently realized I was because I started saying “a million and one” for everything that goes past ten. You have either 8 or 9, or you have a million and one. Which is too damn many for an old person to keep track of. And I realized…

* What was once a rainbow of wardrobe options – black tie, cocktail casual, business casual, resort casual, exercise, etc. – is now just two options – it fits, and why bother?
* You can live in the fashion capital of the U.S., surrounded by stores, and do all of your shopping online.
* You are more frequently underdressed than overdressed. And you don’t care.
* You put less time into hair and make-up and when asked, say, “What? Am I going to the prom?”
* Waiters seem surlier.
* You look at a child whining and trying to escape from his stroller and think, “kid doesn’t know how good he has it.”
* You then have the dreaded though, how many more years before I start shopping at the Scooter Store?
* The few years you spent trying to emerge from take-out food to cooking have reverted back to take-out food.
* When someone tells you about their new iPad that they bought, comparing it to the netbook and laptop they already have, you think they’re an idiot.
* When someone tells you about how much faster you could find something if you had the right app, you tell them the only thing you ever need to find with any urgency is a beer or a bathroom. Preferably in that order.
* You travel less because of the travelling part. The airports are terrible, and then there are the people.
* Every ache and pain feels like a symptom.
* Island life looks better and better every day.

I also realized that I’ve reached a point where my age is no longer unique, but a multiple of a previous point in my life, like “twice as old when I graduated high school” or “three time as old as…” Basically, the original milestones are over, and I need to come up with some new ones.

::CC also writes at Light Baggage::

May 24, 2010 12:06 pm

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