The moderator doesn’t have to wait for the next person to speak. One of two women in the group. Her name. Samus Aran.
Either most women have achieved sufficient optimism as they go about their day-to-day affairs, no pun intended, or else most women don’t want to depend on the crutch that is this half-dozen group.
That is what they are, right? A group of six. A half-dozen group.
Samus has cropped hair. Corrective lenses with the bifocal divot. Legally blind, she is prepared to speak without having to prepare. In other words, she is born to speak.
A native speaker.
I never loved nobody fully. Always one foot on the ground. That’s how it begins. This Regina Spektor song. Kiss me so sweet and so so-ah-ah-ah-oft.
Does anyone here know that song? Whenever I hear it, I don’t think of a boyfriend I’ve had. I don’t hear all these voices and words in my mind. Music doesn’t break my heart. Or at least, the voices, words, and music I do hear don’t come from a boyfriend.
The moderator doesn’t know what to think. But thankfully she doesn’t have to nod to get Samus to continue spilling her guts.
Samus doesn’t need a coax. She is a native speaker, remember?
No, the voices, words, and music come from myself. From inside me. I’ve listened to myself and this is what I have to say. That I never loved you fully. That I’ve always had one foot on the ground. When it comes to loving myself, I’ve never completely let go. I’ve always kept you at a distance.
I’ve kept you safely apart my entire life. Up until now. Today I see how to change my situation. Not only that. I must change my situation. It’s up to me to love myself fully.
The moderator begins to understand Samus. She encourages her interaction with loving herself fully.
I started a blog awhile back. But that’s not the change I needed.
Or at least not all of it.
Starting a blog was only part of the change. I didn’t realize it when I started it, but now I do.
I’ve been keeping my blog anonymous.
Up until today, my screen name has been LonelyGirl. That’s all anyone ever knew about me.
But today I began writing under my full name, and I posted a photo I took on my 42nd birthday, which happened to be yesterday.
Next week, when I post for the 225th time, it will be me who’s posting.
There will be no more mask, no more avatar to tremble behind, because I now love myself fully.
I am not ashamed of any part of me.
Samus Aran, Zebes will be there in plain sight for all my readers to see. They will all know who I really am.
They will know everything about me.
The moderator chooses to be honest with yourself. She did not expect LonelyGirl to be Samus Aran from Zebes! The moderator has trouble staying composed. She can’t believe Samus is LonelyGirl! How many nights has she mulled through her weekly posts?
Although they are sometimes difficult to relate to since LonelyGirl is an erotomaniac of the most severe degree, they still strike such a deep strain of honesty that it’s nearly impossible to pull yourself away.
Samus writes with words that laugh hysterically, words that smile, whisper, lament, words that love, hate, age, words that get intoxicated, stoned, and colored pink. Words that get tired, get happy, get hungry. Words that touch, tickle, and rub. Words that massage. Words that die and forgive.
That said, the moderator elects not to reveal the screen name she comments under frequently on Samus’s blog.