A Record of What Happened Before and After I wrote, “I am a Dot”, Set to Aphex Twin

herocious

I’m going to begin today’s tape show with two separate ideas:

(1) Aphex Twin’s Xtal off his Selected Ambient Works Vol 1;

(2) The past, like the future, is always in a state of flux.

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The chair I’m sitting in has a springy seat.  I’m gently bouncing up and down, up and down,  bouncing to my personal interpretation of Xtal’s rhythm.  It’s one of six, the chair that is, it’s the color of coffee ice cream, it belongs around the circumference of the dinner table.

One of six, matching dining room chairs, up and down, up and down I bounce on one.

As if dropped straight from a beehive that has voided itself of bees, in other words, as if dropped straight from a beehive full of honey, is idea number two, idea (2).

The past, like the future, is always in a state of flux.  The past is variable, never constant, never fixed, the past, like Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, has a position and a momentum that can never be determined.  An event in the past, like a  specific dot on a spinning ball of yarn, cannot be pinpointed.

I’m no physicist, I’m not even a scientist, but what that means to me is that the past is an everchanging dot, and we live inside the past, we live inside the dot.

I stop bouncing, the up and down, up and down in the coffee ice cream chair comes to a stop once I realize that I speak trash, garbage spews directly forth from my mouth.  I’m no physicist, no scientist, I am a dot in the past.

I am a dot.

Idea (3) Aphex Twin’s Girl/Boy Song off his Richard D James Album

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(This is what happened precisely after I wrote “I am a dot”:  My nostrils pressed in, sucked against my septum, and I breathed the start of a cry, yes, I was about to cry, and I could feel my tear ducts swell, I was about to cry after I wrote “I am a dot.”

Then I stopped everything I was doing.  I stopped typing after the paragraph break, and I shifted my gaze to Honeyed Cat.  I knew she was sitting on the balcony, outside the sliding glass door, so my gaze knew exactly where to go.

The last time I saw her she was inside a warm beam of sunlight, staring at the thin forest on the other side of my screen, which was also her screen, she was staring at an adult iguana, skin still fluorescent orange after the winter season.

But this time, what was nothing less than the second time I looked at Honeyed Cat on the balcony, she was staring directly at me, still inside the beam of sunlight, her eyes glowing a marble green.

Honeyed Cat had seen me typing “I am a dot”, and she had seen me breathe as if about to cry.  For whatever reason she had averted her gaze from the iguana and focused on me.  Perhaps it was a sudden intensification of sunlight that made her do it, or maybe she shifted her gaze from nature to man because the iguana in the tree told her to.

Whatever her motivation/incentive, Honeyed Cat saved me from crying.)

Idea (4) Aphex Twin’s Flim off the album Come to Daddy.

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::Keep it locked on TOE::

Addendum:  Hello, my name is herocious.  I’m the writer of this post.  After numerous complaints and threats for not crediting WVUMs part in TOE jargon, I just wanted to say that the term, tape show, as used within the context of the first paragraph, is taken directly from The Voice of the University of Miami WVUM 90.5, as is the phrase, Keep it locked on TOE, which is a variation of Keep it locked on The Voice.

Sorry to all of the UM undergraduates who wrote in with complaints, and sorry to Emenai, who wrote in all the way from Oftersheim, Baden-Württemberg, Germany with what amounted to nothing less than our first threat.

Please accept my apologies, it is just that I am WVUMs greatest fan.  Listen on.

March 24, 2009 5:57 pm

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