Career Centers, like job searches and everything related to job searches, nauseate me. Morrissey says it best when he croons: “I was looking for a job, and then I found a job, and heaven knows I’m miserable now.”
Still, real life forces one to be practical, or at least it tries, that’s why I paid a visit to the Toppel Career Center at UM, to prepare myself for a herculean job search, the mother of all job searches. I was going to get it right finally, even if that meant sacrificing my free time to work for some abstract company with a framed Mission Statement on its walls.
I was going to make my resume golden, waste time doing foolish mock interviews, and have some stranger tell me how I should dress, how I should cut my fingernails before the big interview, and how I should behave when sitting with someone who, according to my gut instinct, I did not want to share my time with, at least not within the work environment.
Clearly, I do not keep my disdain for conventional employment secret. If anything, I do what I can to show it, to save others from making a mistake. That’s why, when the Toppel Career Center Mock Interviewer shook my hand and handed me the Lehman Brother sponsored Resume Guide pictured above, I took it as a sign that I didn’t have to worry about getting a job.
Employer of the year 2006, 2008. What kind of shit is that? Didn’t Lehman Brothers go bankrupt in 2008? Didn’t they layoff no less than 10,000 employees in 2008? I’m just saying.