I thought that I was having some sort of hallucinogenic Valentine’s Day pajamagram flashback when I saw a television commercial last night for something called the Snuggie. Have you seen this clothing marvel? The Snuggie looks like something monks or satanic cultists would wear at a super-secret hazing ceremony except the Snuggie comes in these blindingly happy red and blue colors. Picture your grandmother’s most hideous housecoat worn backwards and you’ve got yourself a Snuggie.
Frankly, I was surprised that it aired in Arizona because I live in a place that has three cold days in an entire year. The Snuggie in Phoenix would be about as helpful as a snow shovel.
And no doubt the Snuggie is made from the itchiest acrylic material possible. Can you just picture the quality of the clothing tag on the thing? You’ll scratch the back of your neck till your first layer of skin falls off.
And in the commercial, the heavily medicated actors model it at home, sipping hot cocoa as they effortlessly slip their hands through the generous Snuggie sleeves to reach for steaming mugs while fake snowflakes fall outside the cheesy rear studio windows. It reminds me of a Carol Burnett Show skit except that Tim Conway does not pop his head through the window. Instead of laughing, you go into a little bit of hypnotic shock while watching it. You can’t help but watch but then wish you hadn’t.
But the topper, the crème de la crème of the Snuggie commercial, is when the clueless actor family wears their Snuggies to junior’s Little League game. In public.
Could you just flipping imagine? I’m fairly certain that if my parents had ever worn Snuggies to any of my track meets or volleyball games when I was a kid I would have become another runaway statistic. Or an arsonist. I would have set those Snuggies on fire with the first cigarette lighter I could find and gladly faced the consequences. Talk about mortified. How’d you like to have that Snuggie memory seared in your brain forever?
::Writer X also writes at The 100 Most Annoying Things::