When my substance  abuse counselor mentioned that recovery begins by surrendering, I was confused.

Surrendering?

What do you mean by surrendering, I asked?

Before my counselor could answer, I leaned forward and, in an aggressive tone, replied, I never surrender. I’m not a coward!

My counselor smiled & went on to explain that in my case, surrendering was actually an act of courage.

To surrender to the disease of addiction means that you have accepted that you cannot use successfully.

It means that you will no longer pick up that first drug with the idea that this time I will use & have a good time, & stop using when I decide to stop.

It means that you are ready to give up trying to do the same thing & expect different results.

He went on to say that in my case, if I surrender I win.

I recall that moment when I finally understood the concept of surrendering and how my ego has made the decision to surrender very difficult.

Just for today, I surrender.

Silverado

Tags: ::ESSAYS ABOUT REAL LIFE::, abuse, alcohol, cigarettes, cocaine, drug addicts, getting clean, hard drugs, heroin, in search of truth, intervention, marijuana, moral justification, recovery, substance abuse

Years ago, when I first hit bottom and ended up in a substance abuse center, I learned that I was allergic to drugs.

I was told I suffered from a disease that had no cure but that it could be arrested and that recovery was possible.

My substance abuse counselor was a recovering addict who had sixteen years clean.

He explained that the very first thing that I needed to do if I wanted lasting recovery was to accept that I could not use drugs successfully.

It has been difficult for me to accept this.

I have always had a reservation.

This reservation has taken me out several times.

Today I’m working on first things first.

Silverado

Tags: ::ESSAYS ABOUT REAL LIFE::, abuse, alcohol, cigarettes, cocaine, drug addicts, getting clean, hard drugs, heroin, in search of truth, intervention, marijuana, moral justification, recovery, substance abuse

After many years dealing with the negative consequences of my disease, I’ve learned not to expect sympathy from so-called normal persons. Those fortunate enough not to be born with this disease who often judge us without recognizing our behavior as a symptom of a disease we did not choose to be born with.

I often ask myself, why me? How much better and how many of my life goals would I have been able to reach if I did not have this disease? How many people in my life would I have not let down?

I pray for those of us who have lost their lives or who are in Jails or Institutions. I pray for those who are about to pick up a drug & don’t know that they will become addicts.

I thank my God for giving me the opportunity to be clean & sober today & for the miracle that recovery brings.  I know I cannot change the past & the devastation and pain that I have caused those closest to me. I pray that someday they will forgive me. I will try to forgive myself. That is a lot harder and it will take time. But today I am committed to my recovery one day at a time, for me.

I once read that addicts are not responsible for their action while in active addiction, but they are responsible for their recovery.

Silverado

Tags: ::ESSAYS ABOUT REAL LIFE::, abuse, alcohol, cigarettes, cocaine, crack, drug addicts, getting clean, hard drugs, heroin, in search of truth, intervention, marijuana, moral justification, recovery, substance abuse

Ever since the first grade I knew that my reading skills were sub par.  I was placed in the remedial reading circle with the nearly illiterate kids.  Even though it was clear that I wasn’t the only one who had trouble reading, I knew that the fast readers, the smart kids, were in the mysterious classroom next door with their big books that had less pictures and fancy words.

To this day, I’m plagued by my sub par reading skills, which I’ve never tried to improve. That explains why when this scene from The Office came on, I didn’t have sufficient time to read what Michael Scott had written:

CRACK
COCAINE
POT
BLOW
ACID
HOOKAH
HEROINE
SPEED

Don’t remember the context of this still, but it cracks me and my heroine up!

Tags: ::HEALTH::, ::HUMOR::, abuse, cocaine, crack, drug addicts, drug lecture, hard drugs, heroin, marijuana, michael scott, slow reader, the office

If you’re wondering whether real-life addicts relapse after watching Intervention, the A&E TV show that documents real-life people confronting their addictions with hard drugs, the answer is YES.

But does this surprise you?

Is it really surprising that cocaine and heroin users have a tendency to fantasize about getting high while they watch people use their drug of choice on TV?  If you’ve ever had a yen to sip on alcohol or smoke a cigarette after watching someone else drink or smoke, then your answer should be NO.

After all, it is a fact that seeing the Marlboro man smoke cigarettes on TV gets smokers thinking about their nicotine addiction, so why should seeing Chad, the crack cocaine user, doing his thing with crack not get users thinking about their addiction?

And we all know that when users start thinking about their addiction, relapse is highly likely to occur. It is a law of nature:  addicts are acutely attracted to the euphoria that their drug of choice gives them.  This drug has shown them the blue light.  This drug is their little bit of heaven on Earth.  Instant satisfaction.  Instant relief.  Instant serenity.

So, who exactly is Intervention supposed to help then?  If the hour-long episodes don’t help the addicts who may be watching A&E when the drug-addled show airs, then who does it benefit?

Let me stipulate that your answer better be significant since Intervention not only fails to help the thousands/millions of addicts in TV Land beat their destructive addiction, but also harms them, makes them yearn for their wolf in the guise of a lamb.

To compensate for this bad, there better be a good of equal or greater value. It’s simple math, balancing both sides of the equation, that’s the only way this show can morally justify its existence.

Tags: ::HEALTH::, a&e, abuse, alcohol, chad, cigarettes, cocaine, crack, drug addicts, hard drugs, heroin, intervention, intervention show, marijuana, moral justification