::the open end::

My nephew really likes old episodes of THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW on TVLAND. Go figure. Before Andy Griffith, I don’t think he realized that television used to be in black and white or projected on anything beside a flat screen TV. He especially loves any of the shows where Andy and Opie go fishing to that idyllic fishing hole in Mayberry that’s always deserted, loaded with fish, and always has a perfect canoe waiting just for them. What’s not to love? Personally, I think he mostly loves the fact that Andy and Opie always bring a picnic basket loaded with Aunt Bee’s homemade potato salad and ham sandwiches and, frankly, the less time spent with worry-wart Aunt Bee, the better.

So there we are watching it the other day on a rainy afternoon in Chicago, enjoying the amusing banter between Andy, Opie, Barney, Floyd the Barber, and Gomer. It was the episode where Andy meets the blonde nurse and Opie gets worried that the blonde nurse is going to butt into his fishing time with his father. Naturally, the show ends happily as they always do. We think that another episode is about to follow. It’s the TVLAND station, after all. But instead of another episode with Andy, Opie, Barney and the gang, we’re treated to the start of a new show called THE COUGAR.

My heart just about stopped.

Have you watched or heard about this reality television show marvel yet? And could somebody please tell me what it’s doing airing on TVLAND, the station of HOGAN’S HEROES, THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW, THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES, and GREEN ACRES? Do you see the disconnect? Who’s the marketing genius that cooked up that one?

THE COUGAR, for those of you lucky enough not to have seen it, is about a 40-year old woman who’s holed up in this mansion (somewhere in Los Angeles, I presume) with about 20 guys all under the age of 25 and a combined IQ of 75. Apparently the gal prefers younger men and six-pack abs. And, after two failed marriages and four kids, she’s looking for her “soul mate.” More specifically, she prefers men that are younger THAN HER OLDEST DAUGHTER. Yes, you heard me right. This show is like THE BACHELORETTE but dumber, if that’s possible. We’re all supposed to be pulling for this clueless woman, I guess, because she’s got a thing for younger guys and it’s the 21st century and everything and that’s supposed to be okay.

Naturally, as soon as all of the guys saw her they fell instantly in love and wanted to spend the rest of their lives with her–at least until they landed their first movie or book deals. You get the idea.

After the first 15 minutes, I turned it off and then had to answer my nephew’s inevitable question: “Aunt WriterX, what’s a cougar?”

Thank you, TVLAND.

::Writer X also writes at The 100 Most Annoying Things::

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