Comments on: TOE Short Story :: The Compact – Ch 2 http://theopenend.com/testv2/2009/06/07/toe-short-story-the-compact-ch-2/ Sat, 19 Sep 2009 22:52:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Heather McF http://theopenend.com/testv2/2009/06/07/toe-short-story-the-compact-ch-2/comment-page-1/#comment-12055 Heather McF Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:35:29 +0000 http://theopenend.com/?p=7272#comment-12055 <p style="text-align: justify;">This could use a little more editing. The sentence fragments give a good tone in moderation, but I think you overused them a bit in this section. They distracted me a little. <p style="text-align: justify;">Also, I think you meant bawling, as in crying, not balling. <p style="text-align: justify;">I like the slow reveal on Devin is the MC -- or was. Still intrigued!

This could use a little more editing. The sentence fragments give a good tone in moderation, but I think you overused them a bit in this section. They distracted me a little.

Also, I think you meant bawling, as in crying, not balling.

I like the slow reveal on Devin is the MC — or was. Still intrigued!

]]> By: WriterX http://theopenend.com/testv2/2009/06/07/toe-short-story-the-compact-ch-2/comment-page-1/#comment-5875 WriterX Sun, 07 Jun 2009 14:10:42 +0000 http://theopenend.com/?p=7272#comment-5875 <p style="text-align: justify;">The backstory about this character is compelling. What's his relationship to Devin? Is he Devin?

The backstory about this character is compelling. What’s his relationship to Devin? Is he Devin?

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