Comments on: TOE Short Story :: The Compact – Ch 1 http://theopenend.com/testv2/2009/05/21/the-compact-ch-1/ Sat, 19 Sep 2009 22:52:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Heather McF http://theopenend.com/testv2/2009/05/21/the-compact-ch-1/comment-page-1/#comment-12054 Heather McF Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:29:39 +0000 http://theopenend.com/?p=6896#comment-12054 <p style="text-align: justify;">I was all set to critique the hell out of this, but I can't. There are a few little grammar things I'd change (the second sentence doesn't flow, needs a tweak), but you've caught a feeling here. The emotion of this story is subtly expressed -- I couldn't point to a place for it -- but it's intriguing and feels genuine. <p style="text-align: justify;">That emotional aspect can't be faked, and you have it. That's what really catches me as a reader. That, and mention of the money. Those two are what's pulling me on to the next chapter. <p style="text-align: justify;">Nice work, glad I stumbled on it!

I was all set to critique the hell out of this, but I can’t. There are a few little grammar things I’d change (the second sentence doesn’t flow, needs a tweak), but you’ve caught a feeling here. The emotion of this story is subtly expressed — I couldn’t point to a place for it — but it’s intriguing and feels genuine.

That emotional aspect can’t be faked, and you have it. That’s what really catches me as a reader. That, and mention of the money. Those two are what’s pulling me on to the next chapter.

Nice work, glad I stumbled on it!

]]> By: wnu http://theopenend.com/testv2/2009/05/21/the-compact-ch-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3805 wnu Thu, 21 May 2009 15:55:53 +0000 http://theopenend.com/?p=6896#comment-3805 Would like to know the painting details. Would like to know the painting details.

]]> By: WriterX http://theopenend.com/testv2/2009/05/21/the-compact-ch-1/comment-page-1/#comment-3802 WriterX Thu, 21 May 2009 14:31:03 +0000 http://theopenend.com/?p=6896#comment-3802 <p style="text-align: justify;">Clear writing with story questions and tension: who is this couple? Have they done something wrong? And who's Devin?Makes me the reader want to know more. Only thing I'd change (or eliminate) is the first paragraph; how would the narrator know what/how they talked to each other at night? Just my humble two cents. Thanks for sharing your short story.

Clear writing with story questions and tension: who is this couple? Have they done something wrong? And who’s Devin?Makes me the reader want to know more. Only thing I’d change (or eliminate) is the first paragraph; how would the narrator know what/how they talked to each other at night? Just my humble two cents. Thanks for sharing your short story.

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